Love Each Other
This month is all about LOVE! It’s a giant attribute and a command from God. Jesus tells us in John 15:17, “This is my command: Love each other.” But what about when you just don’t feel very loving?
Many years ago, my pastor spoke on love and marriage in a sermon, encouraging men to love their wives they way they need to be loved and for wives to be lovable. His words have stuck with me because sometimes I’m not too lovable. Like when I don’t feel well, I’m generally crabby…very crabby. My answers are short and my tone is curt. It translates into, “Don’t bug me!’ Even the kindest actions from Scott are not welcome. (Okay, TMI…I’m hoping I’m not alone in this!) I just want to be left to suffer and heal. But that’s not how Scott loves. He takes care of me, bringing me chicken noodle soup and taking my temperature. Why? That’s his love language.
Scott and I read The Five Love Languages early in our marriage. The book has helped a lot in the “love each other” realm. Dr. Gary Chapman’s book is a tool to determine how to best love your spouse. Scott’s primary love language is Acts of Service. When things are done for him easing his burden of responsibility, he feels loved. Having the house cleaned up and dinner made when he walks through the door are examples of how I can lovingly care for him. Am I a doormat for his needs? No, I’m just loving him the way he desires to be loved. He speaks this love language too, by taking care of things for me like filling the car with gas. This is especially appreciated when it’s COLD outside. Restocking the tissue box for my stuffy nose and tucking me in qualifies too.
Words of Affirmation is my main love language. When Scott arrives at home and comments on how good the house smells with dinner in the oven, he speaks directly to my heart. I want to please him in my acts of service. Acknowledging those actions spurs me on to do more. His words affirm me as a wife and mother too. I speak my language to him as well. For example, I’ll send a text message in the middle of the day just to tell him what a great husband he is and how much I love him.
Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation are two of the five love languages identified by Dr. Chapman. Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch are the other three.
Loving one another is a command, not an option. Deliberate acts are needed even when we don’t feel too loving. Deep down I’m thankful Scott cares for me through “sickness and health”.
Make a date with your spouse to read The Five Love Languages. Determine which one is primary to each one of you. Then, love each other more deeply, the way each of you is wired to love and be loved. Oh…and always kiss each other goodnight.
A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,
if you love one another.
John 13:34-35
© 2013 Becky Danielson. All rights reserved.
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