Are Our Kids Experientially Poor?

Are our kids experiencing life, real life? Are they experientially poor because we don’t allow them to fully enter into decision-making, problem-solving, conflict-resolving situations? When we step in, kids don’t have the opportunity to step up.  We’re actually making life more difficult in the long run.

Tips to Erase Experientially Poverty

1. Let kids fail.
   Failure is a much better teacher than success. All of us learn from our mistakes. Step back and give your kids an opportunity to figure out what went wrong and how to achieve success the next time around. Advocating for self is a skill the child will use repeatedly at school, on teams, in clubs, and with employers. When we step in, orchestrate, and fix our children’s mistakes and problems they don’t learn how to manage difficulties themselves.
2. Ask more questions than give answers. 
   Use Jesus’ example. The red letters in the Bible provide a good example for parents. Jesus required those He spent time with to think by posing a question rather than providing an answer. Children need to contemplate, analyze, and determine solutions to their predicaments. When we give answers, kids don’t have a chance to make decisions on their own.
3. Encourage children to resolve conflicts with others.
   Practice, train, and role play solving friendship situations. Practice empathy. Help children identify and label their own feeling and needs. Model the use of “I” statements rather than “You” statements, good listening skills, and problem-solving tactics. Stand back and let kids work out their own conflicts unless the situation gets too emotional or physical. Guidance will be necessary for all kids.
4. Require chores around the house.
   Life training is mastered through practice. Taking care of one’s belongings and personal space are valuable skills. Helping care for the the family home, yard, and pets teaches children cooperation and appreciation. Even little kids can be responsible for helping out around the house with these ideas: Little Jobs for Little People.
5. Allow kids to make and clean up their own messes. 
   Messy projects and experiments are adventures in learning. Cause and effect, measuring, estimating, mixing, and other experimental activities allow kids to hypothesize, make predictions, and determine if their ideas are correct.
   Cleaning up is a logical consequence for mess-making, intentional or not. Provide the tools and instructions, then let the children clean up the spilled juice, an art project mess or their muddy boots. Will the house be as spiffy as if you’d stepped in? No, but don’t re-do the job. Praise and train.
6. Stop being the cruise director.
   When children have unscheduled time, they become creative in how they fill personal time. When we fill every free moment on the family calendar with activities it totally takes out the option of “free time” to figure out what to do. Use this surefire idea for kids who complain about being bored: I’m Bored Chore Jar.
7. Pray with and for your family.
   When kids see their parents lean into God, they will lean to do the same. God is the calm in the storms of life, the Provider and Protector. In good times and in challenges pray. Watch for His blessings and be thankful.

“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees You…”
Job 42:5