Do Manners Matter?

Manners are powerful, both good manners and poor manners. Think about it. Would you rather hang out with a friend who is polite or rude? Society may focus on the crass and unruly, but respect and polite behavior will always be in style.

Teaching manners goes far beyond please and thank you. And it is not one of those lessons a parent can just check off the “To Do List” like shoe tying instructions. If might take a long time to master the skill but once the shoes can be tied, the kid is on his way. Manner lessons go on, and on, and on. Even with teenagers, it’s a continual time of coaching.

When teaching manners to children, give directions in the positive. For example, “Please take your elbows off the table.” rather than “Don’t put your elbows on the table.” Praise success. A little positive reinforcement can go a long way in strengthening a child’s desire to do well. Verbalize your expectations. “We are having dinner at Grandma’s house tonight. I expect you to sit and the table, eat with a fork and use a quiet voice.” Children generally desire to live up to Mom and Dad’s expectations.

With younger children, focus on one manner at a time. Concentrate on table manners then move to phone manners. Be tolerant of lapses, but don’t overlook them. Use slip ups as teachable moments.

Make it fun! When my boys were little, I would pretend to be the rude friend that came for lunch and broke every rule in the book; elbows on the table, speaking with my mouth full, napkin left on the table, reaching across others for food. The boys would laugh themselves silly. Then we’d talk about what a polite guest looks like as compared to the rude friend.

Make polite manners part of what your family does everyday. You’ll know the lessons are paying off when you hear from a friend, “Your child is so polite.” Who knows, your child may be invited to dine at the White House one day. Don’t you want him to know how to behave?

© 2011 Becky Danielson. All rights reserved.

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