Communicating with Kids…Definitions Change
Communicating with kids can be challenging! Definitions change over time. This can make it difficult for one generation to communicate with another. The older generation may find it hard to understand and appreciate the new definitions.
Consider the word tolerance. For years it meant to accept or allow someone to have an opinion without malice of anger. Today it means that to be tolerant one must not only allow a different opinion but one needs to embrace it an equal opinion. This can mean discarding or changing the original idea.
So when your grandchildren say you are being intolerant, they basically mean you need to change your worldview and adhere to their modern acceptable ideas. Needless to say, the waters get very muddy as one tries to communicate or even understand the debate. If you seem to be hitting a stonewall and do not want to cause friction here are some ideas.
• Use “I” messages and not ‘You” messages. If you tell a grandchild “You are wrong” it causes defensive feelings. If you tell a grandchild “I feel… ” it’s usually more acceptable. Keep the conversation as neutral as possible but express your opinion as your opinion.
• Start with defining words. A good way is to have two dictionaries and compare. The Webster 1728 dictionary and a current dictionary define words very differently.
• Choose to stay calm even if you’re feeling angry. Use the old definition of tolerant. Allow for their opinion but do not force them to agree with you. You need not win a discussion to plant an seed of understanding.
• Quietly and gently let your grandchild know you have a different view of a particular issue. Accept that they may disapprove of your thinking. Don’t give up, address the issue in the future.
• Help your grandchildren know you rely on scripture and God’s commandments.
• Always thank them for taking the time to discuss the word or issue with you.
• End every discussion with a hug and words of love. Your relationship is more important than immediately winning a discussion.
See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit,
according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world,
and not according to Christ.
Colossians 2:8
Guest blogger, Carol Olsen, is passionate about grandparents speaking into the lives of their grandchildren. Watch for more ideas from Carol in future posts on Faith First Parent. And please share with your family and friends!
Read more about communicating well with grandchildren in Faithful Grandparenting: Practical Ideas for Connecting the Generations!
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