Don’t Solve Your Grandkid’s Problems
Are your grandchildren experiencing life, in real life situations? Do you solve your grandkid’s problems? Are your grands encouraged to fully enter decision-making, problem-solving, conflict-resolving situations?
When adults (grandparents included) step in, children don’t have the opportunity to step up, to be responsible and experience the consequences of their decisions. Life is more difficult in the long run because children can’t practice these skills if adults always solve their problems.
Experience is a terrific learning tool. Give your grandchildren guidance but allow them determine solutions and solve problems. They may be more capable than you think! Try these tactics.
- Let grandkids fail.
Failure is a much better teacher than success. Everyone learns from mistakes. Step back and give your grandchildren an opportunity to figure out what went wrong and how to achieve success the next time around. Advocating for self is a skill children will use repeatedly at school, on teams, in clubs, and with employers. When adults step in, orchestrate, fix mistakes, and solve problems, children don’t learn how to manage difficulties themselves. - Ask more questions than give answers.
Use Jesus’ example. The red letters in the Bible provide a good example for parents and grandparents. Jesus often required those He spent time with to think by posing a question rather than providing an answer. Children need to contemplate, analyze, and determine solutions to their predicaments. When adults give answers, kids don’t have a chance to make decisions on their own. - Encourage grandchildren to resolve conflicts with others.
Practice, train, and role play solving friendship situations. Use the Golden Rule (Luke 6:31) as a guide to empathy lessons. Help children identify and label their own feeling and needs. Model the use of “I” statements rather than “You” statements, good listening skills, and problem-solving strategies. Stand back and let your grandchildren work out conflicts unless the situation gets too emotional or physical. Gentle guidance may be necessary. When adults solve conflicts, kids don’t learn the skills necessary to solve their own problems with others. - Require your grandchildren to do chores around your house.
Life training is mastered through practice. Taking care of one’s belongings and personal space are valuable skills. Helping care for Grandma and Grandpa’s home, yard, or even shoveling the driveway teaches children cooperation and appreciation.Even little kids can be responsible for helping. When kids are waited on by adults, they never learn the skills to take care of their own space. - Allow kids to make and clean up their own messes.
Messy projects and experiments are adventures in learning. Cause and effect, measuring, estimating, mixing, and other experimental activities allow kids to hypothesize, make predictions, and determine if their ideas are correct. Cleaning up is a logical consequence for mess-making, intentional or not. Provide the tools and instructions, then let the grandkids clean up the spilled juice, an art project mess, or their muddy boots. Will the house be as spiffy as if you’d stepped in? No, but don’t re-do the job. When adults clean up after kids, they don’t learn to clean up after themselves. - Allow kids to make their own plan.
When children have unscheduled time, they become creative in how to fill the time. When adults make plans for every free moment with activities it totally takes out the option to make their own plan. - Pray with and for your family.
When kids see their grandparents lean into God, they will learn to do the same. God is the calm in the storms of life, the Provider and Protector. In good times and challenges pray. Watch for His blessings and be thankful. When adults hide their relationship with God, kids don’t have a model of how to trust the Lord.
Children’s children are a crown to the aged,
and parents are the pride of their children.
Proverbs 17:6
© 2023 Becky Danielson. All rights reserved.
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